Death… I don’t like it

I am not sure where this blog will go, but today I wanted to write about my sweet father in law, Roger.  Roger turned 84 last month and since I’ve known him, he has never been ill!  His mother lived to be 103 as did a few of his aunts.  He is an only child.  We all just assumed Roger had another 20 years in him.

God decided otherwise.  About 10 days ago we got a call that Roger was admitted into the hospital with pneumonia.  Betty sounded worried which is unlike her.  We knew it was serious.  The next week or so was an absolute roller coaster ride, and not the fun kind where you hold your hands up in the air and  say wheeeeee.

One day he was good, the next day the dr’s gave us bad news.  the next day looked good, the next day was not good.  The bottom line came on Saturday morning while we were at  a swim meet.  That ugly, no good, stupid C word.  Cancer… drop goes the heart!

Roger was diagnosed with an aggressive type of lung cancer that was in the pulmonary and already at a stage four!  We decided to pack the bags and head to see him.  We got there late Saturday night.  We left the kids in the lounge and went in to see him and Betty.  They had him sedated and on a vent.  Sunday morning the family decided to take him off all extra measures and the Dr didn’t expect him to last long.

So in the wee hours of the morning, Robert & I, Thomas & Lea (brother in law and wife) and Betty headed to the hospital.  The Dr. came in and asked us to step out so they could remove the tubes and vent.  When we got back in Roger was coming out of sedation and although he was a little loopy, he seemed happy to see us.  We all sat around his bed telling him how much we love him, how proud we are to be part of him and other sweet sentiments.  We cried.  How is this happening?  He would look at us and say he loved us.  It was the most emotional day of my life.  Watching my sweet husband pray the Lord’s Prayer with his dad.   Watching Betty tenderly stroking his forehead.

Everyone who knows my father in law, knows he is a fighter.  He is a Taurus and no one tells a Taurus when it’s time to go.  So Roger did not go that morning.  He hung around with us all day.  Eyes open, smile on his face, kindness in his heart.  Everytime the nurse would come in and make him more comfortable he would smile and thank her.  Ever the host, my wonderful father in law!

One thing Roger loved was time with his grandchildren.  And his grandchildren love their Grand-dad.  We brought the kids up to give hugs and tell him how much they loved him.  It was such a tender day.   I felt such a sense of peace even though we were all heart broken.  I felt like God was with us.  I know so many were praying for us and we could tell.  I think Roger was visiting with his angels all day.  He kept looking up at the sky and smiling and saying “okay”  “okay”.  A couple of times he said “goodbye” and we were wondering was he talking to us or the angels?  Was he telling them goodbye because he wasn’t quite ready to join them yet?  He would smile and nod and say “okay”.

I was so honored to be at his bedside.  It was a wonderfully painful, loving day.

Tomorrow they will move him to Hospice to keep him comfortable.  It’s all so surreal.